From a viewer, Frank Denke: “This is from my notes at a lecture on things to “watch out for” in marriage, originally given by a priest we’ve know for years and a long time exorcist, The priest, Father Chad Ripperger, has SIX degrees and a ph.d in psychology; his own psychology book; and a lot of experience in marriage counseling. It starts with:
—————— The Authority and Obligations of Husband and Wife ————
1. Marriage leads to sacrifice – like stepping into the “Garden of Olives”. St. Thomas says that women were created for three states; (1) first a state of subordination to Adam (where Adam was to love and care for her). After the fall, she was (2) to be in a state of subjection (where Adam was not solicitous of her, but she was still under him, because of the natural law). In heaven, (3) woman are neither in a state of subordination or subjection (as exemplified by the Virgin Mary).
2. The temptation of Eve was to be “like God”, and not subject to Adam.
3. Through a marriage you must consider how are you going to give yourself best to your spouse and to your children. It is thinking, “ how am I going to help my spouse be a better person”. The Cross is the absolute “implosion” of everything diabolic. It is the example of what Christ said, “Return good for evil”. You have a choice in marriage: to return good for evil (as did Christ), or to return evil for good and evil (as did the demons). If you think you are only going to render good for good, you might as well pack your bags and move to another location.
4. In recent years the demonic strategy is to convince you that the primary end of marriage is not to have children. The true primary end of marriage is the salvation of your spouse, and all the rest is secondary to that. Demons attack having children by saying that they “get in the way of helping your spouse save his soul”, or either that the primary aim of marriage is that children take precedence over the spouses. You need to remember that the primary obligation of a wife is not to her children, but to her husband. The primary obligation of a husband is to his wife, not to his children.
5. If the mother has a legitimate request of her child to do something, and the child won’t obey, it is the duty of the father to “step in” and support the mother’s request. The order within the family is toward its unity under the authority of the father. The proper order within a family is based upon the family structure of authority within it to save the souls of all its members. This is why the demons are constantly trying to undermine it. Each spouse has the duty of fostering obedience of the family’s children to the other spouse.
6. One of the most devastating things that demons use to harm children is getting their parents to argue in front of them. It causes their children to have to choose between one or the other; losing their ability to love them both equally. Always avoid saying harsh words to each other in front of your children or acting in anger. The result will ultimately be the children’s disobedience to one or the other parent.
7. Children learn the respect they should have of the opposite sex from their parents. When the wife doesn’t submit to doing any husband’s legitimate request, the children learn this is the way husbands and wives treat each other – carrying this into their later life ahead and into their future own marriages. This is another way that demons work to destroy marriages, before they even happen.
8. Other strengths of a marriage that demons can’t stand is spiritual unity. (That is why a mixed marriage is no dangerous). One of the things that happened when Eve sinned, is that she usurped the role of her husband in determining moral decisions. It’s the husbands place to assure that his wife will submit to him on such issues.
9. The husband has the obligation to ensure the children are getting the right spiritual direction, not the wife, and confirm the children in it by practice. The wife’s obligation is to assure that the children are following the faith of their father, and its practice.
10. If the husband fails to do that, or the wife fails to “confirm” his faith, or doesn’t enforce his faith, then the wife steps into a vacuum of her responsibility to confirm their concept of the faith. It always harms the children’s faith to not practice the faith of their father, supported by his wife, to receive a full “confirmation” of their own faith.
11. What also has to be assured is that that person who has loved their family’s mother, father and members, is now capable of offering their spouse their primary relationship, instead of that to their family’s; willing to protect their spouse against whatever the family they grew up in may do that hurts their spouse. What you see all the time are those who need to separate from their family to give their spouse the first place in their relationship.
12. Indissolubility. In the case of a couple married Sacramentally before, and one dies in the marriage, the person still alive can marry again, Sacramentally, but the property of the new wife becomes the property of the husband, as does the property of any children in the new marriage below the age of 18 the Church teaches . The Church also teaches that the new family husband’s possessions must be used for the needs of his wife and family.
13. One of the things demons do is to drive one of the things that resulted from Adam’s sin. They can do this by encouraging the husband to get tired of his wife’s chattering when he just wants peace. Or not to be bothered. This presents a situation for the wife to become more controlling. God, at that time, will give the wife a grace to see her own possibility to advance in her own spiritual life by not following this “controlling” urge. If the wife can master this desire (opportunity) to control the husband, upholding the right order of his being the head, and subordinating herself to her husband, then she will advance very quickly in her perfection.
14. If the wife never masters this one virtue of properly subordinating herself to her husband, she will never master a single other virtue. She will never master her immodesty. If you “yap” at your husband, that’s contrary to modesty. It’s contrary to fortitude, because part of that is controlling yourself.
15. The wife should respect the husband’s authority, not because he is a “good guy”, but because his authority was given him by God. It should be shows in the wife’s communication with him, especially before the children. It can be shown by your appreciation of what he has provided for you as head of the family. What must be “crushed” is your desire for things of the “lower appetite”, and pride (something the demons love to encourage in whoever they are tempting to destroy)
16. The authority given to you is always for the benefit of those under you.
17. The man given authority needs to be able to sacrifice for the good of his family. The measure of his love for his spouse is measured his willingness to sacrifice for her.
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Courtship and Pre-Marriage Decisions —————-
18. One of the first things to do during courtship is to figure out if the person you are dating is somehow “wounded”. If you haven’t learned to manage your own wounds, you will not be able to manage those of your spouse. One of the things you must do is to be able to put aside your own feelings. The demons love to focus on your “feelings”, to use them to separate you from your spouse.
19. What the demons are looking for are reasons to work against you. For example, if you were unchaste before your marriage, they will work on that realization to make you realize you didn’t walk into your marriage correctly, therefore it should not exist. It can also urge a wife to control her husband, so that he doesn’t do “that” again.
20. If you are not ready to have children, you are not ready to be married.
21. Marriage leads to sacrifice – like stepping into the “Garden of Olives”. The three parts of a sacrifice take place. The first the is the “Offertory”, and is offered by the man proposing, and the woman responding, “ Yes”. There is a right time for it, prepared by a proper courtship and the moral relationship between the two involved – not after having a sexual relationship before it, and not after a lingering courtship of “six years” after it began. The offertory is the “offering of myself to you”. It is up to the parents of both future spouses offering themselves to assure that things are “in place” before. If it appears transitory, the answer is to pray for that relationship to end – and surprisingly, it usually does within three weeks.
22. In recent years the demonic strategy is to convince you that the primary end of marriage is not to have children. The true primary end of marriage is the salvation of your spouse, and all the rest is secondary to that. Demons attack having children by saying that they “get in the way of helping your spouse save his soul”, or either that the primary aim of marriage is that children take precedence over the spouses. You need to remember that the primary obligation of a wife is not to her children, but to her husband. The primary obligation of a husband is to his wife, not to his children.
23. Never go into a marriage expecting your spouse to change. You have to focus on yourself to change the relationship to one of unity. You always have to respond to a situation within a marriage with virtue.
24. The youth of today do not understand the fundamentals of marriage. The unity of a marriage must be worked out beforehand. The husband has the obligation of taking counsel with his wife about their future children. The husband must understand that his wife understands the children better than he could, because she is working with them daily. If the husband doesn’t listen to his wife about what she sees in the children, then he is violating the virtue of prudence. The wife must get into the position of, “I said my piece to the husband, and now it’s his responsibility to act upon it”.
25. Fidelity. If you are dating, and during your date your partner is staring or lingers looking at another man or women, don’t expect fidelity after marriage. Immodesty is another way of attacking marriage.
26. Immodesty. A virtuous man will turn away from an immodest woman. What the demons do is turn men away from the emotional fidelity virtuous men should have to their wives, not by what other women wear immodestly.
27. What needs to be assured before an engagement leading to marriage is that the man (and woman) have sufficient virtue to practice modesty of his/her eyes.
———————- How Demons Attempt to Destroy Marriage ————–
28. Any time you have a “negative thought” about your spouse, get it on the table immediately and discuss it. The demons who try to destroy your marriage, work on changing your “perception” of each other, while God brought you together to “chisel away” at your spouse’s defects (with tenderness and understanding).
29. You need to separate a couple having psychological problems in their marriage first, to address their “feelings” about the other that have already been created in them. (An example is of a married couple whose wife wants to give her husband breakfast in bed to celebrate his birthday; wants to know when to prepare it for him and asks him “when is he getting up”. In his mind, after five years of marriage, he feels she is criticizing him for not getting up sooner). A demon is using this “‘feeling” to divide them that have already been created in them. (An example is of a married couple whose wife wants to give her husband breakfast in bed to celebrate his birthday; wants to know when to prepare it for him and asks him “when is he getting up”. In his mind, after five years of marriage, he feels she is criticizing him for not getting up sooner). A demon is using this “‘feeling” to divide them.
30. The closer you are to your spouse, the less protective are you about yourself – and the demons use this. For example, the “closer” you are to the other person, the less protective you are of yourself, so the demon use this to cause more hurt about something, and causes you to look at something that hurts their feeling, rather than looking deeper to find what the other person is intending. In marriage, what has to be found is the “reality” behind what is being done. We have to understand that what was being done should not be “measured” by our own feelings (which the demons love to manipulate), but why was it being done by the other person. What you feel is “absolutely” irrelevant.
31. Thinking you know by what you perceive (feel) is the problem with your spouse – focusing on the negativities of your spouse. What you need to do is to heal yourself, first.
32. One thing demons love to do is to bring together one person to the marriage who is deeply spiritual, and the other isn’t. One of the things they do is to make one spiritually “tepid”, to bring the other spouse down. To have two spouses deeply spiritual, is extraordinarily rare. Men are usually less spiritual than their wives, because they have so much “world” to focus on.
33. One of the things demons do is to make the home filled with noise to distract the spouses from God – to make earth like hell in how they treat each other (ie., for their self interest, not because they want to help the other demon for that demon’s good). There is no good in Hell).
34. Behind the immorality of this age are the ‘Freemasons”, which, at the top, are satanic. They back LGBT, abortion, etc. (with others) to destroy marriage, because this destroys their children.
35. One of the first demonic things done was to destroy the definition of marriage. It has always been defined by the Church as a solemn “contract” between a man and a woman to confer bodily rights to have children. You do “X”, and I’ll do “Y”. You have rights over each other. If you fail to do certain reasonable things when asked, then you commit a “Mortal Sin”. If one of the spouses reasonably asks for the conjugal act, it is a mortal sin to refuse it. That is why St. Paul says, “be subject to each other”, and “wives be subject to their husbands. The “gift of self” is only on the day of your marriage. After that, it is a “contractual obligation”.
36. Romance isn’t always necessary, but the marital act is grounded upon God’s command to “go and multiply”. Only for serious (grave) reasons can it be put off.
37. In a marriage relationship, each must be willing to suffer for the other. Christ was willing to suffer for us, but demons move to get the members of a marriage to focus upon themselves. (“I can’t believe you did this to me”). Demons are trying to chisel away at your good will. You must make the choice to be “benevolent” to everyone – including your spouse. If you expect a person to change a weakness, they won’t. What you must be prepared for is that they will get worse.
38. Demons are always trying to get you to say something angry to your spouse, to control your spouse with anger. The first thing Eve did was to hand the fruit of which she had eaten to Adam – to control his actions, but the more she tried to control him, the less he wanted to be controlled. That is why God told Eve, to be “subject” to her husband (not to control him). What wives must do is see that their husband was/is not perfect, but not try to “control” him.
39. The same time, the husband’s job is to provide for his family’s needs, and the wives to help him. That is why it is crucial for the children the first five years of life to learn right from wrong, more exactly from the first ten months to when the child has reached the age of reason. Therefore, it is the duty of the mother to form that child during this time. That is why “day care” denies children the closeness and empathy they need at first to properly be developed by their mother for later life. They have found out that “day care” doesn’t allow a child to emotionally “connect” with another, an ability missing for them to connect with others in later years. The demons will use this first to try to disconnect the child from its parents, then later parents from each other, and finally from their spouse after marriage.
40. The Church has always taught that the wife has the right and obligation to stay at home with the children. The last three Popes have expressly declared that the children have a right to be at home so they can be raised by their parents. The children have a right to be raised at home until 18 years old and given the “tools” by their parents to be ready for the world.
41. Demons are constantly fostering the idea that a family “needs a better home, or home life; a better “standard of living”, etc. – and to go into debt to get it to hold them “hostage” to others.
42. A study conducted with billionaires who have given “everything” to their children, (a inclination” of good parents to give their children “everything” in the world of things, possessions, etc.,), but the children who had received “everything” failed to have “ambition”– and in doing so, these parents had failed to give their children what was really necessary for them: a life based upon virtue and holiness, not financial goods.
43. Before getting married, the future wife must accept living with what her husband earns. She only should work, for a time, to provide the necessities the husband cannot provide for the family.
44. The second part is the “sacrifice”, when they actually exchange vows. That is when they die to them self by giving their self to the other. That is when they make a solemn promise before God to give their self to certain things outside of their control. It is to recall Our Lady when she said, “I am the handmaid of the Lord. Do with me what you wish”. What happens to you is determined by God, not what you think you are going to get out of this.
45. This “dying to yourself” is a lifelong process. The demons try to prevent this by encouraging you to be selfish. An example of this is when a wife spends more to buy things that are not needed, causing the husband to work more to give more to his wife to buy things not needed. The proper thought of the wife is not “what I’m going to get out of marriage”, but how am I going to make my spouse a better person. Both spouses must think, “how am I going to serve each other, selflessly”.
46. Through a marriage you must consider how are you going to give yourself best to your spouse and to your children. It is thinking, “how am I going to help my spouse be a better person”. The Cross is the absolute “implosion” of everything diabolic. It is the example of what Christ said, “Return good for evil”. You have a choice in marriage: to return good for evil (as did Christ), or to return evil for good and evil (as did the demons). If you think you are only going to render good for good, you might as well pack your bags and move to another location.
47. There are times that behind a thought of your spouse is a good intention, but it comes across to you as “evil”. The demons will use this to separate you both. The principle thought behind love is union. You want to become part of it. If you want to be one with your spouse, you must work on your own principle disorders. If your emotions are contrary to virtue, that means that you don’t have emotional virtue. You need to focus your reactions on doing good for good or evil, because the demons are going to manipulate your feelings to urge you to do evil as your response to both good and evil.
48. Demons are constantly trying to undermine marriage by creating a “triangulation” between husband, wife and children. For example, a child asks the father to go to the park, but his father says. “no”, because he wants the child to do other things first. The child goes to his mother and ask her the same question, and because the mother and father haven’t talked about it, the wife, not know knowing the child has things to do, says, “yes”. This is the way demons use of contravening a father’s the authority that exists within a family. Their aim is to divide the members of a family.
49. If the mother has a legitimate request of her child to do something, and the child won’t obey, it is the duty of the father to “step in” and support the mother’s request. The order within the family is toward its unity under the authority of the father. The proper order within a family is based upon the family structure of authority within it to save the souls of all its members. This is why the demons are constantly trying to undermine it. Each spouse has the duty of fostering obedience of the family’s children to the other spouse.
50. The primary obligation of the father is to make sure everything in the house is taken care of. The father, technically, is responsible even for assuring his child’s diapers are changed, while God has put the wife as the “helper” who does it for the husband, because of her nearness and availability to the child. We also must realize that women are better at taking care of kids; thus creating “roles” for what the husband and mother do in a home for the children.
51. Men have an ability to “focus” on only one thing, while women have an ability to function and “focus” among “disorder” in the house, which establishes “roles” for what each is capable of doing easiest.
52. What is affecting our culture, is it’s trying to equalize the roles of men and women, instead of emphasizing the unique, different abilities each have. The demons know that if they can mess up the unique abilities of men and women, they can get to the children.
53. One of the most devastating things that demons use to harm children is getting their parents to argue in front of them. It causes their children to have to choose between one or the other; losing their ability to love them both equally. Always avoid saying harsh words to each other in front of your children or acting in anger. The result will ultimately be the children’s disobedience to one or the other parent.
54. Children learn the respect they should have of the opposite sex from their parents. When the wife doesn’t submit to doing any husband’s legitimate request, the children learn this is the way husbands and wives treat each other – carrying this into their later life ahead and into their future own marriages. This is another way that demons work to destroy marriages, before they even happen.
55. If there is something to disagree about, then go to a quiet place away from your children, and respectfully discuss it with each other.
56. If a child asks one parent about something, and gets a “no”, they need to learn that the other parent will say the same thing.
57. Peace is the “tranquility of order” – and the order that foster’s peace, that follows from mutual respect between parents, is what the child needs to develop his virtue, and learn before leaving home.
58. The first attack upon marriage is to attack “monogamy” within it. The unity within a marriage is fundamental to its success. That is why a mixed marriage is so dangerous, because it is starting with a fundamental lack of unity between spouses.
59. Many men look at marriage as a happiness they will get from their wife, but after five years of having conjugal relations, they become tired of their wife. Demons can’t stand a lasting affection for each other.
60. Other strengths of a marriage that demons can’t stand is spiritual unity. (That is why a mixed marriage is so dangerous). One of the things that happened when Eve sinned, is that she usurped the role of her husband in determining moral decisions. It’s the husbands place to assure that his wife will submit to him on such issues.
61. The husband has the obligation to ensure the children are getting the right spiritual direction, not the wife, and confirm the children in it by practice. The wife’s obligation is to assure that the children are following the faith of their father, and its practice.
62. If the husband fails to do that, or the wife fails to “confirm” his faith, or doesn’t enforce his faith, then the wife steps into a vacuum of her responsibility to confirm her concept of the faith. It always harms the children’s faith to not practice the faith of their father, supported by his wife, to receive a full “confirmation” of their own faith.
63. Divorce. At times a husband will say he “fell out of love with his wife”. So what! He accepted a lifelong obligation to gift himself to her. Marriage is always “work”. Differences need to be worked out between them, not left to stand.
64. Conjugal Responsibility. It’s not just about sexual union, but includes all aspects of each other’s makeup: emotional: affection – not just aspects of the conjugal act.
65.Custody of the eyes. Each has an exclusive right to that. Every time a husband looks at pornography, he is violating her exclusive right, and visa-versa with women.
66. What also has to be assured is that that person who has loved their family’s mother, father and members, is now capable of offering their spouse their primary relationship, instead of that to their family’s; willing to protect their spouse against whatever the family they grew up in may do that hurts their spouse. What you see all the time are those who must separate from their family to give their spouse the first place in their relationship.
67. Indissolubility. In the case of a couple married Sacramentally before, and one dies in the marriage, the person still alive can marry again, Sacramentally, but the property of the new wife becomes the property of the husband, as does the property of any children in the new marriage below the age of 18 the Church teaches . The Church also teaches that the new family husband’s possessions must be used for the needs of his wife and family.
68. The demons try to make a marriage only a human institution, rather than a contract before God, the author of the contract.
69. What has completely devastated marriage is the “State” thinking is has the right to define what marriage is; control it; validly offer it; etc. Even if, at first, you are married by a Justice of the Peace, your vow must be fulfilled before God (not the Justice of the Peace). That shows you are willing to fulfill what you are promising, otherwise it is not a “vow” in the proper sense. Only the Church has that right to determine if you are making a vow before God. Realize no one in Heaven is “wounded. Everyone in Hell is.
70. What happens when there is a divorce, is that the children are wounded in that process.
71. Most people don’t know what is necessary for a marriage to be Sacramental and therefore for life, because this hasn’t been preached from the pulpit. The number of Catholics marrying, with a knowledge of what is required for marriage, is about one in ten. What the demons use is ignorance to get people married in an invalid way. You can draw on the Sacrament of a true marriage every single day, such as for combating infidelity; handling your spouse’s weakness; temperament, and their imperfections, using the Grace of marriage to control your emotions. You must see marriage as an opportunity to get Grace.
72. One of the things that happens in marriages is when one spouse is aware of the suffering of the other. One of the things said about Our Lady at the foot of the cross when her Son was being put to death, is that she was the one who was so most suffering when her Son was put to death, yet she was comforting others with her at the foot of Christ’s Cross. Spouses need to take this same attitude when seeing their spouse suffering. They need to avoid saying things like injurious words to their spouse during that time, which only increases their suffering..
73. It is when you are having an argument with your spouse, that you are tempted to shout the most injurious words you can think of to hurt the other.
74. Sometimes a married couple will call their friends to take care of their children so they can go alone on a vacation, rather than looking for a place where they can take their children. What the demons try to do is separate the child from its parents, so they can be neglected – leading to their suffering, which weakens their being raised properly. These demons get a delight out of causing harm to people – causing them to suffer.
75. One of the things demons do is to drive one of the things that resulted from Adam’s sin. They can do this by encouraging the husband to get tired of his wife’s chattering when he just wants peace. Or not to be bothered. This presents a situation for the wife to become more controlling. God, at that time, will give the wife a grace to see her own possibility to advance in her own spiritual life by not following this “controlling” urge. If the wife can master this desire (opportunity) to control the husband, upholding the right order of his being the head, and subordinating herself to her husband, then she will advance very quickly in her perfection.
76. If the wife never masters this one virtue of properly subordinating herself to her husband, she will never master a single other virtue. She will never master her immodesty. For example, if you “yap” at your husband, that’s contrary to modesty. It’s contrary to fortitude, because part of that is controlling yourself.
77. Men who don’t want to take responsibility and sacrifice themselves for their wife, are doing the very thing that destroys his ability to advance in virtue. It is the way that attracts men to be effeminate; to put aside what is difficult and pursue pleasure to avoid what is arduous. In the end, children pay a price, as does the wife.
78. The other things the demons do is to encourage parents to tolerate the bad behavior of their children. Don’t over correct them every time they do something wrong. You don’t want them to give up. You don’t want them to develop a complex “that I can never do things right”. Moderation, rightly used, even in discipline, can be a virtue.
79. Children know exactly what “button” to push to “get to “their parents.
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The latest information I have on Fr. Ripperger’s address, email, and physical address is:
Rev. Chad Ripperger. , SMD. P.O. Box 311. Keenesburg, CO 80643.